"A Day in the Life of Joe Middle-Class Republican"
Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot full of good clean drinking water – because some liberal fought for minimum water quality standards. He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His prescriptions are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure their safety, and that they work as advertised. All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance; now Joe gets it too.
He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe’s bacon is safe to eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. Joe takes his morning shower, reaching for his shampoo, which is properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents, because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body. Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some treehugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work; it saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees. You see, some liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation – again because some liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe’s employer pays these standards only because Joe’s employer doesn’t want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he’ll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some liberal didn’t think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
Its noon time, and Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe’s deposit is federally insured by the FDIC because some liberal wanted to protect Joe’s money from unscrupulous bankers, like those who ruined the banking system before the Depression. Joe makes payments on his Fannie Mae-underwritten Mortgage, and on his below-market federal student loan, because some stupid liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.
Joe is home from work, and now plans to visit his father at his farm in the country. He gets in his car for the drive to dads; his car is among the safest in the world because some liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home, where he was the third generation to live in the house, financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers didn’t want to make rural loans. The house didn’t have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republican’s might still be sitting in the dark, not as now, just metaphorically!) He is happy to see his dad, who is now retired. His dad lives comfortably on Social Security and his union pension – because some liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn’t have to.
After his visit with dad, he gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. (He doesn’t tell Joe that his beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day.) Joe agrees, "We don’t need those big-government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I’m a self made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have!"
— from John Gray’s "Day in the Life of Joe Middle-Class Republican", slightly modified